A mob of fans have assembled around one portion of Ocean Beach. Amazingly, it isn’t a Girls Gone Wild video, or two people having sex which has garnered such a turnout. Rather, these fans are amped up for Colossus, which will be held tomorrow night live in Qualcomm Stadium. Those who weren’t able to get in will receive a bonus and get to watch the event here. In addition to throngs and throngs of fans will be giant television screens and folding chairs, but for now autograph stands and various gimmicks such as Call a PRIME Match litter Ocean Beach. PRIME has taken over.

Some wrestlers and staff are walking about, casually interacting with fans. Dametreyus Fuqueiawytas is heading security, but also taking time out to chat with fans asking him about days of working under C.P. Cantrell and The Cabinet. Elvis Nixon has gathered a small crowd around to hear him rip some tunes and tell faulty speeches about not being a crook. It is an ultimate PRIME experience.

Over in an announcers booth, ala WCW days, sit three individuals: Devin Shakur-

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Christian Daniels

YEEHAWBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And Matt Mills. All have headphones on and are observing the comings and goings of Fan Fest. Daniels ponders why people would come out all day and tan. He’s run into a few stoners and stoned them pretty good with a right hand. No lawsuits are expected to be filed because those guys won't remember what happened and probably won't care. Mills has been looking around for someone to back him in a PRIME charity poker game which will be held later this evening. He might look to poach a wallet or two. People around here have been known for poaching things, amIriteLaneKiffin?

That's not the worst joke you'll hear in this. Trust me.

Shakur and Daniels are dressed in normal garb, not for the sake of fans, but rather because they wouldn’t be caught dead in much else. Only twice has Shakur been seen on camera without a shirt and it isn’t pretty. Daniels… Well, let’s face it folks, he’ll never go for anything other than something straight out of Harley Davidson's year round catalog. Mills is wearing a Hawaiian shirt and channeling his inner Bryan Dawkins. He even does a hang loose gesture for a camera scanning around.

A technician points at the trio. They are ready to go.

Matt Mills: Welcome everybody to the Colossus Fan Fest Extravaganza. We are here, live, at Ocean
Beach where action has been hot and heavy all day wouldn’t you say, guys?

Devin Shakur: Heavy, I don’t know. I haven’t seen Rayne looking for hookers yet. I’m sure that would hit the net twenty minutes after he gave a cumshot to some unlucky college girl who showed him her tits.

Christian Daniels: Dang sure been hot lemme tell ya.

Mills: You are wearing a heavy leather trenchcoat, jeans, and bandanna. I can’t imagine those are helping you.

Daniels: Keep talkin at me like that’n I’ma wear ya fer’a belt.

Shakur: Knowing your worth though Mills, I'd say we could pass you off for Internet or Alias.

Mills is a little uncomfortable, while Daniels and Shakur laugh and each smack Mills hard on his back.

Shakur: Relax, kid, we're here to have fun and kick back. We might even take a few kickbacks and do a song and dance number.

Daniels: I ain't, ya might, but I ain't.

Shakur: If you are wondering why Nick Stuart and Richard Parker aren't around, it is because they are part of the PRIME fan experience as well. You could go call a match with Nick-

Daniels: N' I heard Richard out there wit his whale folk, swimmin'n catchin up.

Shakur: Nice.

Mills: So why was I roped into being your third commentator?

Shakur: Because we tried putting you out in the public and you kept making side bets and losing money. Your prop betting even sucked. Do you know what leeches like this will do for publicity?

Mills: Looks like I'm having an imagination Christmas again this year.

Daniels: We'll buy ya a whore'r somethin.

Mills: Seriously?

Daniels: I ain't say which gender.

Shakur: The jokes are rolling as we're going to have a bunch of treats in store for-

The Boss in Black does a cheesy point toward those roaming around his booth.

Shakur: Each. And. Every. One. Of. You.

"Fuck you, emo!"

Shakur: We've got correspondents Lisa Tyler and Blaine Blair out amongst those who showed up for this -

Mills: A total of about 30,000 have stopped by at some point in the day. Quite a turnout I'd say, with more to come later.

Shakur: Lisa has already acquired a tag along, or so I'm hearing. Are you hanging ten yet, BLT?

Camera Switch: Lisa Tyler

A clearly unamused Lisa Tyler, standing in sand and a business blouse and skirt combination glares into her camera. She isn't breaking out summer attire either, not even a one piece. At least not for business, even more so when she has been forced to do field work. This is a profession she worked vehemently to get away from and now has been taken back into against her will.

Not to mention a man standing behind her flexing his muscles is following her around like a puppy dog. Ladies and Gentlemen, from the Internet and Twitter, Swole Mike.

Swole Mike gets a good look at Lisa's backside and uses his hands as a picture frame.

Swole Mike: What'cha gon do with all that junk, all that junk inside yo trunk?

Tyler sighs and wishes she could be anywhere else.

Camera Switch: Announcers Booth

Shakur and Daniels are stifling laughter as best they can while Mills glances over his shoulder. He feels bad for Lisa and would much rather be taking that kind of bullet than watching her do it.

Shakur: Ah, man, we don't pay her enough to do that kind of shit.

Daniels: Women get money'ntha work place now?

Shakur: Ohhhhh. That's low, dude. We've had some great women throughout PRIME's history: Sunny, K-Wolf, Cozen-

Daniels: Her breasteses was unbelievable.

Shakur: BLT herself, Ares, Lind... Nevermind. OK, so we've had a few.

Mills: You guys are going to get us thrown off the air before we even get to our first spotlight.

Shakur: If I didn't get thrown off the air for saying cumshot, no way are we going down for setting back the women's work movement. Alright, guarantees for you guys this afternoon: Appearances by The First, Castor V. Strife, Nitz Donnelly, and myself. I will be in that very ring over there.

A camera next to Shakur pans out about three hundred yards away to a ring where longtime jobber El Rayo Azul is teaching fans how to run ropes and giving them lessons on in-ring spots.

Shakur: To bring the show home. We also have a big time tag match, exclusively for those of you purchasing the complete Colossus package, or those of you who happen to be here: Boda and Castor Strife will compete against Lindsay Troy and Tyler Rayne. It should be exciting.

Mills: We are also going to hear from fans, have a run down of what is to come for Colossus, and a few other highlights from what has happened throughout the day.

Shakur: As a matter of fact, we're going to take you, right now, to Castor Strife at his autograph booth. Take it away.

FADEIN: OCEAN BEACH – The crowd at PRIME’s Fan Fest 2010 is swelling, with a line that stretches for a quarter mile of people waiting entrance through the guard rails. Star talent is seated at the autograph booth signing hats, trading cards, programs, and other memorabilia. Lindsay Troy is seen at another booth, taking photos with children and teen fans. Dan Ryan’s walking tall as people swarm him for handshakes, photos, and signatures. Boda is posing for pictures with the 5 Star Title; Elise Ares is doing the same with the Swagger Title. The camera then finds CASTOR V. STRIFE patrolling the premises, hair tied up and wearing the usual round lens, red translucent glasses, with WILLIAM K. SPADES and a couple of hangers-on whores at his side. He is suddenly approached by an excited young male fan that looks to be his early twenties. Castor doesn’t stop but continues to walk at a brisk pace, the fan now following him.

FAN: Hey Castor! I just-

CASTOR: Thirty dollars.

FAN: -wanted to wish you good luck tomor-

CASTOR: Thirty dollars.

FAN: -row night in your title match. Hey could I get-

CASTOR: Thirty dollars.

FAN: -an autograph?

Castor stops; a moment of silence occurs as they both stare at each other.

CASTOR: Thirty dollars.

FAN: Alright, umm…lemme see…
The fan reaches into his wallet and pulls out a 10 and 20 dollar bill, hands it to Castor along with a program and a pen.

CASTOR: My young friend, how are you today? Excited for the matches tomorrow?

FAN: Oh defin-

CASTOR: Great, excellent. Who should I make this out to?

FAN: Randy.

CASTOR: "To my dear friend Randy. Greetings from Hollywood. Castor V. Strife." There you go.
Castor hands the program back to his adoring fan.

FAN: Thanks man, I-

Castor expertly no sells his fan.

CASTOR: OK, great!

He then turns to Spades.

CASTOR: This is absolute madness. Do they really expect me to put up with this sort of thing when I'm champion?


SPADES: Umm…I think, uh…yes?

CASTOR: I think NO. Do they realize the demands on my time? Films, artwork, appearances, the whole nine. These people are the ultimate distraction. As their aesthetical icon, I should be walking above them and not amidst them. Do you understand me, Spades? Are you listening to me?

VIEW FROM SPADES: Small cam view, blurry, out of focus- Castor’s voice is muffled, like he’s being heard from below water.

CASTOR: (SPADES VIEW) Are you listening to me? Spades? SPADES!

BACK TO REAL TIME VIEW.

CASTOR: Spades!

Castor snaps his fingers in Spades' face.

CASTOR: Goddamn it...

SPADES: Huh? Oh, sorry. Man, is there a Red Bull around here or something? I need vitamins.

CASTOR: Hell! When I’m champion, my first demand is a new entourage. Stick to the pen, Spades; it suits you better.

They walk off.

Camera Switch: Announcers Booth

Shakur, Daniels, and Mills stare into the camera. Daniels chugs from a beer while Mills dips into his pocket and checks his Blackberry.

Devin Shakur: Thanks, and Castor looks to be in the thick of things over there. At least he's charging.

Christian Daniels: Always good'ta see green'n ya pocket.

Matt Mills: Are you referencing money or weed?

Shakur: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Someone call up the Chelsea Lately round table, we've got a new nominee for you guys right here.

Mills: Speaking of comedy, and attempts at comedy, right below us we've got a Cut Your Own Promo stand.

A camera scans down to where a line of fans are able to look into a screen and cut a promo which they can later purchase on DVD. They choose a wrestler and get thirty seconds to a minute. It's basically a bad attempt to be a comedy club with a brick wall and microphone stand and a small screen hanging in a corner.

Shakur: I heard Hessian is going to take the stage later and do some impressions.

Daniels: (scoffing) Great, that'll be worth'tha money.

Shakur: CD hates it because Hess can do a good impression of him. What about you, Mills, you do any impressions?

Mills: Not particularly.

Shakur: Not even one?

Mills: I'd rather not catch a beatdown from someone backstage if they aren't fond of it.

Shakur: Fair enough, I won't hassle you on a casual day, but you better do it in the office tomorrow pre-show.

Mills: Damn.

Shakur: Now we're going to answer some Twitter questions from people following us on our Internet stream. The first one comes from a person called @ShaneOMac, he asks: Why is Jared Leto hosting Fan Fest?

Mills: You do look a bit-

Shakur: Wow, I would have thought Tyler Rayne could have done a better job of hiding himself on Twitter. Weak joke. You have been blocked.

Football Announcer: BLOCKED! BLOCKED! BLOCKED!

Shakur: You can't get a new handle and show up here again. You can never Tweet PRIME again. You are blocked.

Football Announcer: BLOCKED! BLOCKED! BLOCKED!

Shakur: Actually, this is stupid, we might as well just go to fan reactions. Mills, this is your forte.

Mills: Earlier today, we asked fans who they thought would win some matches on Colossus. The matches considered for this group were: Olsig/Strife, Shakur/Gamble, Troy/Ward, and Hessian/Chainz.

Camera Switch: Earlier Today

Mills stands in front of a camera, looking like his usual dorky self, and gets reaction from all kinds of random folks.

Mills: Strife or Olsig, who is your pick to win the Universal Championship?

Stoned Fan: Strife is going to win because his interview guy hooked me up with some DOPE shit earlier today, man.

Drunk Fans: Olsig because dude he always talks like he's drunk.

Sea Captain from Simpsons: ARRRRRRRRRRRR! Olsig gonna bring back the booty to all of us on the high seas.

Porn Actress: Strife because I was in his latest production and it was championship material.

Camera Switch: Announcers Booth

Shakur tries hanging himself with a tie after hearing that last response. He gets suspended for 90 days.

Camera Switch: Earlier Today

Mills: Hessian or Chainz, who ya got?

Swole Mike: I've gotta pick my boy Sloan because HE SWOLE! HESS, YOU AIN'T SWOLE LIKE CHAINZ! UNTIL YOU TRY SWOLE MIKE'S GETTIN SWOLE FOR DUMMIES, YOU AIN'T SWOLE!

Scottish Guy: Ach, Hessian'll win cuz he'sa bad motherfucker.

Comic Book Guy: Hessian because stats do not lie and he is a bigger and therefore badder man.

Surfer Dude: I gotta pick Chainz because like... That dude will kill you and stuff.

Camera Switch: Announcers Booth

Shakur puts a hand over his face like he just saw The Giant fall off a building thanks to Hulk Hogan. Oh yeah, don't act like you forgot how bad a segment that was. Shakur is now screaming and taking pot shots at anybody, basically trying to find someone with a gun. Daniels calls him off because his match is up next.

Camera Switch: Earlier Today

Mills: Shakur or Gamble, who you got?

Big Emo Girl: Shakur because he's my baby daddy!

Hornswaggle: Gamble because he's holdin it down for the midget contingent! WOOOOOOOOOOO!

Tyler Rayne: Gamble because Shakur is an emo fuckwit.

Matt Mills: Tony Gamble.

Camera Switch: Announcers Booth

Shakur punts Mills in the cock. He is lifted out of his chair and then gets flipped out of the announcers booth onto a table by Daniels. Conveniently, it's a table used in wrestling so Mills will be alright, assuming there aren't splinters in it.

Camera Switch: Earlier Today

Mills: Troy or Ward, who ya got?

Woody Paige: I gotta go with Lindsay Troy because her schedule is fantastic.

Dan LeBatard: [double gangsta finger point] LINDZ!

Bob Ryan: WARD STINKS!

JA Adande: Troy because she's always invited to the lounge.

Tim Cowlishaw: I gotta go with Matt Ward because...

The sound of Cowlishaw losing points is heard in the background, and also by him.

TC: What happened? I gotta go with Troy?

The sound of Cowlishaw gaining points is heard.

TC: Alright, Troy it is then.

Camera Switch: Announcers Booth

Shakur: What was that? I don't understand why we had a bunch of sports reporters picking Lindsay Troy.

Daniels: Whole question was rigged.

Shakur: I decided to be a nice guy and pull Lisa Tyler out of the fray and up here with us.

Lisa Tyler: It is very much appreciated.

"I'LL SHOW YOU JUST HOW SWOLE I REALLY AM, LISA!"

A camera pans down to see Swole Mike taking off his pants. Since nobody wants to see that, or can identify what it is he's trying to show (oh snaps), a quick thinking cameraman quickly pans back to the announce team.

Shakur: Look at it this way, at least you don't have big emo girls claiming you fathered a child with them.

Somewhere Maury Povich is with a group of writers and bad actors cooking up his next 'DNA Test Results' show.

Tyler: I suppose that's something to be thankful for, although I'm sure he's going to go away until I do something of that sort.

Daniels: Least ya ain't Tyler Rayne with all'tha fan mail: He got two piles, one fer fans'n one fer women who claim he put't en em.

Shakur: If you take longer than five seconds to set up a joke, or as is known around here Dane Cook Syndrome -

Dam: Das cold, boss.

An individual has garnered a fourth headset and joined this illustrious announce team, Tony Reali. He also has a Mute button. It is like a Staples Easy button, except capable of muting announcers.

Tony Reali: Wah Wah

Reali mutes Shakur.

Daniels: N'tha hell invited Andy Pettite up here?

Reali: He is a GOOD LOOKING MAN.

Tyler: Before this debacle breaks down any further, we are going to take you to a bit done by 5*Star contender, The First. Take it away.

FADEIN: Somewhere at Fan Fest, away from the fans, we see The First and Muse sitting on giant boxes, likely the stuff that was used to bring the ring into Fan Fest. First is in his ring gear, face painted in the Kefka style. Muse is in her Carmen SanDiego outfit. Standing near them is a girl, early teens or a little younger, wearing a Fanfest 2010 T-Shirt and blue shorts.

FIRST: Kelly, don’t be nervous. You have the cue cards to read off of. Just talk into the mic and you’ll be fine. Everyone will be happy with the job you do.

KELLY: I can’t believe I won the contest to announce a match at Fanfest. It’s gonna be just so scary having all those people looking at me…

FIRST: I wrestle in front of people all the time and I’m not scared. It is just something different for you to do, and if you keep doing it, you get used to it…The first time I ever wrestled in front of a crowd I was nervous too. Just work through your nerves and you’ll do a good job…And when it’s over I’ll get you some autographs from the other wrestlers.

KELLY: Really? Thanks!

CUTTO: The First now looking sweaty, his face paint smeared with a bunch of it missing, not wearing his shirt anymore. Muse looks much the same as before. After a few moments a young looking guy, wearing red long tights with "Burns" in black on the right leg, face covered in green mist, walks into the shot.

BURNS: The mist, you son of a bitch, I thought we had a truce on that shit!

FIRST: Hey, that truce was something I honor only in shows in Massachusetts and other sections of New England…We’re in San Diego with the biggest card in PRIME about to happen and you were not about to steal a match from me at Fan Fest…

BURNS: (Laughs) Oh yeah, had to save yourself…Well, besides your horrific cheating…I do have to thank you for even getting me on the Fan Fest bill…Man, you lucky bastard...You been here like a few months and now you’re fighting for a title on the biggest show of the year…

FIRST: Oh I know I’m lucky, you don’t have to tell me…You’re gonna make it make, you keep working, somebody will give you a call back…

BURNS: I know they will, and I’ll be after you…We’ll do what we do in front of a couple hundred people, only it’ll be in front of the whole damn world…

First and Burns have a fist jab and Burns walks off.

MUSE: You two should just get a room and get it over with…

FIRST: I don’t think his girlfriend would be a big fan of that…

MUSE: She’s a beard…It’s all a lie…

FIRST: And my wife?

MUSE: Beard also…You two are the wrestling version of Justin Bieber and Adam Lambert.

FIRST: I wasn’t aware that Justin Bieber was gay…You are really catty this evening…

MUSE: What? I have to sit around and watch you and Eddie’s bromance every show you two attend

FIRST: And you hate his girlfriend…I know you have a bit of a crush on him…

MUSE: Oh don’t gimme that! We’re NOT going there!

FIRST: What? I’m his gay lover but I can’t speak the truth about your clear infatuation with him?

MUSE: (Shakes head) Bah…I could never deal with him…He’d most likely be fun to play with, but for anything real…I can’t see it…

FIRST: When have you cared about anything real?

MUSE: You would be surprised…

FIRST: Well enough of this foolishness…I gotta track down Kelly before Castor puts her in a under aged porn snuff film or whatever the hell it is he’ll do and get her the goodie bag I promised her…

MUSE: (Kind of quiet) Hey lay off Castor…

FIRST: Yeah I forgot, you Castor apologist…You gonna help me find Kelly?

MUSE: Sure, let’s begin our magical adventure to find PRIME’s ring announcer in the year 2020.

FADEOUT

Camera Switch: Announcers Booth

Christian Daniels is getting hair gel tips from Tony Reali while Devin Shakur translates Chinese to a few inquisitive fans. Lisa Tyler is the only one who can be bothered to stare into the camera.

Tyler: And we are back.

Shakur: Bollocks

Daniels: Go on without us, we's still talkin.

Tyler: We might as well give a rundown of our eight matches for tomorrow night.

Shakur: Cool.

Tyler: Opening our card will be Matt Ward vs. Anathkash Dakari in a Prime Time Central Elite Dirty Dozen Championship Tournament match. Dakari is a representative of JUST and has already scored what many consider to be the upset of the tournament by defeating WWA World Champion, and number one ranked PTC wrestler for the month of July, RJ Stone. Ward will have a considerable height and weight advantage as Dakari clocks in at barely six feet and under 200 pounds, but has an extensive martial arts background.

Shakur: I'm still going Ward. PRIME has the best talent in wrestling today and Ward is one of them. He's stepped his game up since I called him out, and has held PTC success before. He's held both the Infinite and Unified Championships over there. Dakari is just another flash in the pan hack who won't get far. He's coming onto our turf and I'm not exactly going to roll over and let Dakari walk away with a victory unlike WWA.

Tyler: So you would run interference on this?

Shakur: Not necessarily, but PRIME doesn't bring weak sauce to the party. Dakari isn't gonna be bringing anything up in this humpy bumpy.

Reali: I like any Terry Tate reference even if it comes from Emo. Here's a point.

Shakur fist pumps.

Tyler: I would have to give Ward an advantage based on personal knowledge, but Dakari was able to snake through Stone, and he isn't a pushover. I'll say Ward, but it will be closer than most people think.

Shakur: He's representing JUST. They aren't around anymore. Why is he representing JUST? Is he that bad he can't get signed anywhere? We'll take him if he is that desperate because God knows we need some more jobbers around here.

Tyler: Nice way to bring in recruits.

Shakur: I thought so too. Next match.

Tyler: Our second match will be an unofficial championship match. The Swagger Championship will be on the line as Elise Ares takes on Nitz Donnelly. These two have been going at it for months ever since PRIME dissolved its tag division. Matters got real personal between the two when Elise managed to get Nitz's former partner, Vance Raymes, as her new personal bodyguard after firing Kazys Jankauskas.

Shakur: That was a match you ended up making, good call there.

Tyler: I only did it because I felt justice needed to be served, although I wanted Ares to be the one fired.

Shakur: Candid, I'm liking this thing we've got going right here. Someone tell Nick he might be out of a job.

Somewhere, Nick Stuart is calling Nova vs Ferguson from Colossus IV and giving his best Don Knotts face.

Shakur: I really don't know who I want winning. Ares is our token female superstar, because Lindsay Troy is not a woman, and she's got a decent male following. Although, she's a bitch. She created her own belt and I didn't authorize that, although it has made money so I'm inclined to favor her a bit. Donnelly brings in the spot monkeys... I'll still go Ares, probably via Vance getting involved in some capacity.

Tyler: No bones about this, I'm going Donnelly. While he's not exactly technically proficient, and he won't be going for submissions galore, I believe he'll take the match more seriously. Ares' title is a joke and so is she. When you stick her in the ring on her own, she doesn't do well. Yes, she won the 5*Star Championship, but only thanks to my partner over here. She's got a knack for choking in big situations when the spotlight is solely on her and I think this time will prove no different. Donnelly in a route.

Reali: Lisa Tyler bringing the heat. Two points. We need a new regular for Around the Horn. How much for her services, Dev?

Shakur: We'll talk after the show.

Tyler: In what could be called one of the strangest matches held on a Colossus card, our third match features Tyler Rayne against Skylar Montgomery -

Daniels: Rayne.

Shakur: Rayne.

Tyler: Both of you are picking Tyler Rayne? To win a match? This is being recorded right?

Shakur: I'm growing tired of the shit Montgomery is pulling and he's only won ZERO match. What the hell does he bring to the table?

Daniels: A mask.

Shakur: We all know how bad I hate Rayne, but Skylar wants to declare war against PRIME. Hey Sky, a war requires two people to have actual resumes. You have... what exactly? You lost to James Varga in GTT7.

Reali: Who loses to Varga?

Shakur: Even HE knows you don't lose to Varga. If you can't beat Varga or anybody else we throw at you, how are you going to beat Rayne? Even on his C-Game, he can still wipe the floor with you. We don't need any more analysis. Rayne in a beatdown. I'm hoping he fires Montgomery afterward also since he has that kind of authority. Nobody on the Board will object.

Tyler: I'll also say Tyler Rayne.

Reali: I'm giving the point to Tyler since her argument was fresher in my mind.

Shakur: You sicken me. Now I've been a part of both ESPN 5 o clock shows in some capacity. My track record speaks volumes. Hire me instead of her.

Tyler: Match number four will be personal, and hold a serious stipulation for one Michael Sloan. He faces off against Hessian in a match where Sloan's wife, Tracy, is on the line. I'm not a fan of this match. I wouldn't have allowed such a monstrosity under my regime, but you have Dev, and gotten it so a ladder is going to be involved. That is an intriguing aspect to say the least given size and strength of both men. It should definitely add some innovativeness to an already wild match.

Shakur: My allegiance is squarely in the corner of Von Kelsig. I think he's got an ability to take far more punishment than Sloan. He's also capable of showing more strength when necessary. I would know. I've been launched far more times than I care to count by the man. These two guys have been running war since God knows how long in 2010 and I think Chainz ends up on the short end of the stick. I just hope VK keeps Tracy away because that woman disgusts me. She's a freak show and I don't care how nice she is. Let her be a secretary if she's that nice. We need more of those.

Tyler: Thanks for bringing our profession up a notch there, Dev.

Shakur: Anytime

Tyler: Even though I'm conflicted on both individuals, Hessian has caused fewer problems with me personally. I hope he's considerate enough and hand Tracy over to Sloan, but from a match perspective I think Hessian has the edge for all reasons Devin pointed out: He's bigger, stronger, and can take more of a beating. Plus, Sloan is working with a leg injury and it could hamper his power game, which is a lot of Sloan's offense. If he can't work Hessian up for a Chain Reaction, then Sloan is going to have to rely on a strictly brawling kind of match, which is right up the alley of Hessian. The man is a human wrecking machine. Hessian for the win, but I'm hoping he does the humane thing and lets Chainz and Tracy be together because they deserve each other.

Reali: Pot shots at the boss and in depth analysis with some inside information. Tyler in a runaway. You better catch up, Dev.

Shakur: What was inside information? The leg injury? Give me a damn break. That's public knowledge.

Tyler: Well, folks, we are going to return momentarily with the second half of our analysis. Now, we're going to take some fans out of the ring for the time being and put some of our finest competitors inside. Our scheduled tag match is going to come up momentarily. Lindsay Troy and Tyler Rayne against Boda and Castor Strife.

Shakur: I'm sure Strife will be upset at being unable to charge 30 bucks a pop for his autograph.

Daniels: Who'na hell pays'at much fer'n autograph, anyway? S'just'a piece'a paper.

Reail: Bonus points for the accent. I'm loving it.

Daniels: Damn straight.

This match started off hot and heavy with Boda and Troy picking up where they left off at UltraViolence 2010. With no Devin Shakur interference, Troy showed just how capable of a whooping she was able to put on Boda. Rayne and Strife showed no remorse on each other as they traded stiff shots. Rayne took the action outside and onto the sand, where he had a considerable advantage being an aficionado of beaches. He was able to deliver knees and pummel Strife toward a group of fans who brought folding chairs and towels.

With Boda and Troy the legal participants, Troy kept her martial arts offense on high octane. After she tied Boda up in the ropes, she took requests from fans on what moves to execute. Most requests were for her stiff knife edge chops. Boda certainly wasn't a fan. Reali screamed for a kick in the groin and was obliged to massive cheers from Troy enthusiasts.

Strife gained an advantage on the outside when he gathered a handful of sand and blasted Rayne in the face. Strife moved Rayne away from ringside and almost out of camera range toward a few kids building sandcastles. Strife told the kids to hit the bricks and DDT'd Rayne through a sandcastle. A loud wave of cries and angry parents frightened Strife back to his corner.

Boda managed to untangle himself from the ropes and displayed his skills, military pressing Troy over his head before dropping her in a shoulderbreaker. A pinfall only gave him two. Crowds kept gathering around the ring and support grew for the Queen of the Ring. Boda hammed it up for them, taunting Troy and bemoaning them for selecting such a horrible representative of wrestling. Boda followed up with a belly to belly suplex and went for another pinfall, but only got two.

Strife demanded a tag and was granted one. The God of Snuff hopped into the ring and mimicked Troy's martial arts ability, garnering a mountain of heat from her fans. Strife scoffed and claimed to be the next Universal Champion before putting Troy on his shoulders and landing the Cult Classic (G2S) for a two count.

Rayne, having astutely covered his eyes before taking a dive in the sand, scurried back toward his corner and drummed encouragement for his partner. A loud Troy chant developed while Strife did his best to quell it. Rayne will always have more crowd support than anybody, and thus won out. Troy didn't win out when Strife landed an STO and hopped on the middle rope for a lionsault. He went for a cover, hooking both legs, but Rayne interrupted by kicking him in the package.

Shakur: How does he get away with such atrocities?

Tyler: He's got an unspeakable charisma, and relating to this match specifically, he's got board power.

Shakur: So sick of him and that damn contract. We need to have something done about it.

Strife grabbed hold of Troy's hair and landed a few forearm shivers, pointing to a few kids around ringside wearing autographed Troy t-shirts. He took hold of Troy by her left arm and brought her to Boda, who was all too eager to continue the assault. The Bastard lifted Troy over his shoulders and brought her down in a fireman's carry with a knee to the back of the head. Another cover and kickout by Troy.

Rayne looked for a way in, extending his arm to its limits, but Boda ran over and shoved him away. Fans crowded around to check on Rayne, but The Underground Pimp jumped to his feet and dove under the bottom rope, chomping at the bit to get a piece of Boda. Newall played restrainer while Strife and Boda worked like a well oiled machine on the other side of the ring and landed a spike piledriver on Troy. By the time Rayne shoved past, Strife was already on the apron. Rayne jumped over the top rope and landed a plancha on Strife in the sand. An eruption from the crowd led to Rayne pummeling Strife with strike after strike.

Boda sought another pinfall but couldn't get it. He decided to look for an end to this match, having been out for far too long. He needed to make some coin and try to get a few book deals while out here. Boda picked Troy up, but somewhere deep in her resolve, Troy landed a step up enziguri on The Bastard and brought him down. Rayne got off Strife long enough to realize a chance for legally winning the match was possible, and jetted back to his corner.

Tyler: A turning point in the match. Rayne hasn't gotten much in the way of legal offense and he's ready to go.

Daniels: Like'a bull ready'ta throw'a rider ten feet high'n gore em.

Shakur: Wow, you actually strung together a relevant sentence to what we are talking about. Reali, does he get a point for that?

Reali: I'm still digging that accent. We might have to eliminate you from this panel, Shakur.

Shakur: Typical first round exit for the best man on the show.

After what seemed like an eternity for those at ringside, Rayne got the hot tag. Strife staggered in and was clobbered with a series of elbows and forearms to the skull. Rayne went to town, showing Strife new angles of strikes he'd never seen before. A knee to the head and toss outside put Strife out with those angry parents from earlier. The kids whacked Strife repeatedly with their sand shovels while a few placed sand on his head. The parents enthusiastically clapped.

Rayne turned his attention to Boda. The Bastard tried a splash in the corner, but Rayne dodged and let Boda eat buckle. Rayne called for a scooping bucket from a kid and got one. He placed it on Boda's head and called for Troy to whack him stupid with a forearm. She more than willingly obliged and the duo traded shots on a helpless Boda.

Shakur: There's a real innovator of violence for you.

Reali: Three points for creative use of a bucket. It doesn't get any better than that.

Troy prepared to go up top while Rayne booted Boda in the midsection and muscled up some strength for a Varga’d, which made all the surfer dudes go "WHOA." We think Keanu Reeves sued for gimmick infringement, but nobody can be quite sure with that guy. Troy got up top and landed a Crowning Glory, giving herself and Rayne the victory.

Winners: Lindsay Troy and Tyler Rayne

With kids still pounding their shovels into Strife's head, the match concluded. Rayne and Troy slapped hands with fans on their way back to the autograph booths.

Camera Switch: Announcers Booth

Tyler: A very good tag match for those at Fan Fest. We've still got scheduled appearances from Nitz Donnelly and The Boss coming up, plus our second half run down coming up right now.

Shakur: And no eliminations.

Reali: I've got a feeling one is coming up PRETTY PRETTY soon.

Shakur: [Finger pointing sky high] NEXT MATCH!

Reali: Watch yourself, emo.

Tyler: Our first actual championship affair of the evening features a person you just saw eat a pinfall, Boda, taking on The First for the 5 Star Championship. A lot of turmoil over this title was created ever since Elise Ares lost it to Garbage Bag Johnny at UltraViolence. Roxie Sykes was slated to get a guaranteed Colossus shot at GBJ, but was released before that could materialize.

Shakur: Shows why she was a manager and not wrestler. Nobody with a brain would pass up a shot like that.

Reali: Be nice now.

Tyler: Followed by a plethora of wrestlers being involved in a tournament of sorts to see who fought for contendership. A good amount of those guys got released, leaving only Steve Starr and The First as people who weren't already booked. Starr was granted an Intense Championship match at 226 but couldn't convert, and drew the ire of Shakur. He was unofficially released afterward.

Shakur: He could come back but he's gotta prove himself first.

Tyler: So The First was picked by Boda, unaware of Starr's release, and both men have developed quite a back and forth since they were officially pegged to face one another. Boda has gained the upper hand, but one would expect such with The First being in PRIME for such a relatively short amount of time.

Shakur: He's got potential though, I'll give him that.

Tyler: I'm still giving a nod to Boda. He's got a wealth of experience and has been on the big stage before. Plus, he's got outside help in his brother, David. Again, something else I wouldn't have allowed on my program, but Devin had a big hand in that.

Shakur: Of sorts, was his planning for David, I just went along with it.

Tyler: The First could potentially get this belt a few months down the line after he gains some PRIME experience, but unless Muse or someone else interferes on his behalf, it would take a miracle for him to come out on top.

Shakur: I'm going to agree. I've got Boda as a champion I want for the future. He's nostalgic for those who are into that, and currently is a bastard. He was able to hang with Snow and Youngblood while they were around, and that isn't an easy feat. He wasn't the third wheel, but rather their muscle. Neither man really needed it, but having a former Universal Champion in your corner isn't bad. I've got First pinned as a guy who can do great things. He'll have the crowd's support, but Boda to win.

Daniels: I'ma take First'n this one.

Reali: Going against the grain. Daniels pulls ahead of Tyler!

Daniels: Kid can talk'a good game and I might'a called him out't first, but kid showed he can hang. He's also hangin round Strife, who ya picked fer success. S'a First Blood match. Boda done picked himself that stip, but'f First can keep himself free from Boda's strength, he gon get himself'a belt. He ain't gotta beat Boda, make 'im tap, er nothin like'at. Speed gon prevail.

Shakur: Fair enough, so at least we've got some diversity in this group.

Tyler: Now, coming to a match where diversity probably won't be had. A long awaited showdown between Tony Gamble and Devin Shakur.

Shakur: Not going to take a Leonard Aarons to figure out who I'm picking here.

Daniels: Or me.

Tyler: The history is here. Everything has been brought up. I've been told you guys are going to get a heck of a tribute video before coming out. Four long years this has been building. I'm going to give you the edge though. You've got a stipulation you want, even though last year you did something I didn't approve of by taking Bryan Dawkins out.

Shakur: Just because his parents were able to hang with me, and run in the big time, doesn't mean something like that runs in the family. Yes, I just called either Rayne or Tsonda a woman. I'll leave you to figure out which one.

Tyler: Gamble is a man who needs space to function, and he's not getting that with a cage featuring a top. He's confined to a small space, which favors someone with your background and style of fighting. I'm going Shakur to win, even if he has to cheat, which is legal in this match.

Shakur: Easiest pick of the night. If Gamble walks in acting like a goody two shoes, he's going to get crippled. Like I said to Mills earlier, I'm looking to hurt him. I'm gonna fight him. That is what this match is built for and he's walking right into a hospital if he thinks I'm not going to take every shortcut I know.

Tyler: Our sub-Main Event of the evening is a match which might have more personal grudge just because of those involved, at least from a friendship perspective. They haven't been built as enemies as long as you guys have but there is still a ton of heat in this one. Lindsay Troy goes one on one with Matthew Ward for the Intense Championship.

Shakur: You know where I'm going with this. Ward. Troy has way too much personal investment and is going to look to come out and pummel, but how much is she going to have when the adrenaline wears off? Ward is coming into this match a lot calmer and a lot more collected. He's also got less ring rust. Keep in mind, excluding what you just saw, which was a lot of Troy getting her block knocked off, she hasn't wrestled many times since UltraViolence when she came up with a losing effort. Ward has been in the ring non-stop: Elite Championship tournament, Intense Title matches, you name it. He's got a lot more running.

Tyler: I don't think ring rust is going to be as much of a factor. As you said, Troy is going to have adrenaline pumping through her for the first part. I think it will carry over and give her a chance. Ward is an imposing presence, no doubt, but is he really going to want to go as far as Troy will? He might not be able to land a kill shot whereas Troy probably doesn't have any qualms about doing so.

Shakur: Believe me, Ward better land a kill shot. He better put Troy down once and for all. I'm tired of that pop culture freak walking around with too much entitlement because she's fucking a guy who isn't a legitimate boss.

Reali: And guys, so I can chime in here, I decided to consult a reverend on this one.

Shakur: Outside the box thinking.

Daniels: Whoever puts anything outside'tha box?

Shakur: I'm awarding points for that. But, go ahead Reali.

Reali: The one and only Bill Plaschke via satellite from his post at the Los Angeles Times. Alright, Bill, who ya got in this one?

A small screen highlights Bill Plaschke with a face full of angst.

Bill Plaschke: Tony, this one is too hard to pick. Both are veterans of the ring, but SHAME ON MATT WARD for not consulting a friend in need. I'm obliged to... I just don't know. Neither one of these people live in California so I'm conflicted on who to -

Reali mutes Plaschke.

Reali: I would go to Dan LeBatard but we don't need him ruining anything else. Lindsay Troy is my pick.

Tyler: Finally, we have our Main Event of the evening, Vangelus Olsig defending his Universal Championship against Castor V. Strife. A bout which had high probability of not materializing. Strife had to go through Tyler Rayne and Olsig had to make a mid-arc defense against Chainz.

Shakur: He was surprisingly more accepting of a title defense against Chainz than I figured him to be.

Tyler: He was the longest reigning Intense Champion ever, and still is the second longest reigning Champion in history.

Shakur: Still, Intense, Chainz, not a good combination for anybody to go against. I know Olsig has some resolve, some heart, and he's been bitching about finally getting here. He's finally got here, but what can he do about it?

Tyler: He's been in the ring with, and beaten some of the best PRIME has ever had to offer. He went through Youngblood, Snow, and 26 others to capture the Dual Halo crown. Beating the likes of those men isn't something worth sneezing about.

Shakur: It's not, but he's dealing with someone who could have done that just as easily.

Tyler: I don't know if I see it that way, but go on.

Reali: Defend ya boy. Wait, wrong catchphrase.

Daniels mutes Reali.

Shakur: Strife has that same undeniable talent: He's defeated Rayne and Troy. While I've done that, and we all know how great I am, Strife is going into this match with momentum. He laid Olsig out at 229 and has my personal endorsement. This isn't like Vince McMahon's endorsement of Drew McIntyre or whatever that whole shit was about, I'm firmly invested in this kid. I believe him to be a future because he is a feature. He is a franchise. Someone you build around because he's got a quality about him we haven't seen since Danny Ferguson, and perhaps even more than that. Not to mention, he's quite well rounded in the squared circle.

Tyler: But you've handpicked him, which is more than less why you are saying what you are.

Shakur: Gun to head, yes. But I don't put people out there, or give them a chance at Colossus success, unless they have an ability to go. Strife can go in the ring, plain and simple. If he lands a Director's Cut on Olsig, lights out, party over, call up all them fancy clubs out in Hollywood because we'll be celebrating it up Lohan style.

Daniels: I ain't havin sex with a butch who I'm bettin'sa dude.

Tyler: A classy as always reference to DJ Samatha Ronson.

Shakur: Plus, we've got actual pull. Her career went downhill when she was fucking Fez. How does he get her, Mandy Moore, and JLH? I think his green card expired about eight years ago so an investigation is going to be launched there.

Tyler: Back to our match, Olsig is a stalwart of PRIME and I believe he's got an edge here. He's got a big match experience very few in PRIME have. He can hang with the big boys, everybody knows that. He's not going out there, even though it is only his second Colossus, with a fear of failure. Granted, he's never held a title of this caliber, he's still got more accolades than Strife and I think a bit more ability. He can get more creative and will. I'm going Olsig to retain.

Shakur: We'll agree to disagree. With that, I'm going to see myself out and prepare for our final segment of Fan Fest.

Reali: This is the part of the show where we eliminate somebody. Daniels and Shakur, you guys were good, essential pieces, but you don't have enough points to advance. Any last words?

Daniels: Fuck people who ain't usin turn signals.

Shakur: Jay Leno isn't funny, period.

Shakur and Daniels remove their headsets while Nick Stuart and Richard Parker take their places.

Tyler: Good to have you guys back.

Nick: Thanks, it was great to hang out and call some classic matches once again with great fans. We've got some prospects out there who could work for upstart federations if they desired.

Richard: I got crabs.

Reali mutes Richard.

Tyler: And we're going to head over to Nitz Donnelly. I'm scared to ask what that might entail, but nonetheless, we're going over that way.

Security was having a rather tough time maintaining control on the beach. The sheer number of people certainly overshadowed the guards on site. Some people were stupid enough to be thrown out and some girls were smart enough to flash their breasts to avoid being kicked out... ever.

PRIME's resident website man Thomas C. Robinson was keeping to himself near the stage after having downed a drink too many. He actually felt like throwing up a little bit. He snuck off behind the curtain that was below the big screen and found a trash bin to empty his guts into. As he bent over to let chunks fly, a couple hands settled around his upper body to steady him as he was about to fall over.

Staffer: Easy there buddy.

As soon as he was done, he waved off the staffer and made his way back out onto the beach and caught a whole whack of people looking out into the ocean as music started up somewhat quietly, getting louder by the moment.



Sure enough after the gratuitous scene on the screen is shown, a boat can be seen motoring into the area. Many people are shading their eyes to see if they can catch a glimpse.

I'm on a boat muthafucka' take a look at me!
Straight floatin' on a boat in the deep blue sea.

A figure can be seen on the craft, arms outstretched posing like Leonardo DiCaprio. The person is wearing a captains suit though along with a sailors hat. It's a rather silly looking suit but if there was a day to be silly.

People still can't make out the figure as the engines cease on the very large and very expensive vessel. The figure stands and poses as the music fades out slowly and then some new music starts.



Everyone loses their shit as soon as the first notes are heard. People are flooding into the water whether they are wearing bathing suits or street clothes. The figure takes off his hat and flips it into the water and then removes the suit leaving only a pair of long swim trunks. A couple people swim over to grab the hat and the clothing as souvenirs and Nitz Donnelly sets up and dives off the front of the vessel and into the water. Given a short minute or so, he is accompanied by well placed lifeguard to the shore. He jogs the rest of the way as people fight not to swarm, most respecting the space of The Halo's Hero.

Thomas Robinson has regained his focus, feeling a bit better after losing his lunch and runs to intercept the man bringing a microphone to where Nitz has made land. He grabs the mic and joins Donnelly, doing anything to get his few minutes in the spotlight. Women are lifting their shirts and removing their bikini tops at random now as Nitz ascends the steps on the stage with Robinson.

Nitz: AWWWWWWWWW SHIT!

RRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Just the sound of his voice sends everyone into a frenzy.

Nitz: Hahaha oh yeah, you can bet I'll be down there in a few minutes signing programs, shirts, tits and whatever else for everyone here. But it's time to deal with a bit of business.

He puts his arm around Robinson and pats his shoulder.

Nitz: 10 of you CRAZY FUCKERS are about to win a sail around the harbor with me and the 10 or so ladies I left on board.

People look out to see many hot women in very small bathing suits waving back to the shore.

Nitz: Honestly I lost count at the 5th pair of double D's I stared down. Damn straight you'll be able to hang out with yours truly, The Ego and my buddy here, T.C.

Robinsons eyes light up, immediately looking at the boat and seeing the plethora of chances to get some action. He begins to drool.

Nitz: That's right, even PRIME's lowly website guy can get pussy on this fuckin' watercraft! So anyone who comes with me is a shoe in.

Many men raise their arms in the air, pretty much ignoring the wives and girlfriends they brought with them. Some of the wives in return plead their case, perhaps revealing some major bisexual tendencies to their spouses they've been hiding. Yep, they pull out all the crazy shit for Nitz Donnelly.

Nitz: So someone throw me a beer...

A crew member tosses up a cold can of beer to Donnelly who cracks it open and downs the whole things in a few seconds.

Nitz: Thank you. And now I'm going to come down there, mingle with all my bitches and bros and 10 of you will be spending the evening partying, drinking, eating and probably fuckin' on my epic yacht over there. How many of you wanna go home and claim you were on a muthafuckin' boat with the best damn son of a bitch in PRIME?!

Crowd: RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Nitz: Here's to titties and beer!

Nitz jumps down off the stage and grabs another drink. "I'm On a Boat" starts up again in the background as people swarm The Halo's Hero. He takes a sharpie from a staff member and immediately begins signing everything in his path as he walks. Thomas C. Robinson is left on the stage, daydreaming about the women on the boat and the night he's gonna have.

Camera Switch: Announcers Booth

Nick: Richard has already gone to get in on that.

Lisa: Not surprising. It also shouldn't be surprising when he gets shot down by every woman there.

Nick: Indeed.

Lisa: I'm also being told now Shakur will not end the show. We're going to leave the fans happy for once.

Nick: I actually heard it was because emos can't walk in sand. They'll sink.

Lisa snickers, a bit too much. Nick just landed that one liner out of left field.

Nick: Folks, we'll be coming to you live from Qualcomm Stadium tomorrow with Colossus VII. Eight matches, three titles, and a whole lot of animosity. For everybody in PRIME, I'm Nick Stuart saying we'll see ya tomorrow. Now I'm gonna go get a beer.

A last image of PRIME's true party animal, Donnelly, is shown. Everybody is living it up tonight.

Because tomorrow will be nothing short of a nightmare.