Title: A Cautionary Tale on the Dangers of Stealing from Cults and Other Evil Type Organizations
Featuring: Tyler Rayne
Date: ReV 248
Location: Baja

Tuesday- 14:07 PM
Baja, California
Beach Home of Tyler Rayne

So there’s this neat thing about living on the beach. Beaches are covered in sand. You know, like fucking covered in that shit. Beaches have sand for days. Now consider that, maybe, for some bizarre reason you were super paranoid about ninjas dropping out of thin air to… whatever. Do ninja shit. Thieve something. Assassinate your mother. Very quietly watch as you sleep. Ninja shit. Perhaps, if this was a concern, it would be wise to have a bunker to hide important things from ninjas. Tax documents. Rare and precious jewels. Family documents. Your mom. Important shit. And if there happened to be some beach front property on which to build this bunker… sand, man. You hide that bunker in the ever shifting sands and no one is the wiser. No one would ever know. Possibly even you…

“You forgot about this thing, didn’t you?”

Katterina Wylde pressed the flat of her flippy-floppy down on the recently rediscovered steel door and swiped some of the sand away. The door looked about three feet wide. Seven feet long or so. Fairly standard door dimensions. It rose up just an inch above the sand. This inch had previously been covered in unknown inches of sand for an unknown number of… months? Years?

“Seriously, when’s the last time you even opened this thing?”

She continued brushing sand away with her foot, revealing the number pad for the security lock. Meanwhile, sitting just to her left at the base of the door, Tyler Rayne was preoccupied with his own foot. Specifically, the toe he had just jammed against a stupid solid steel door that some fucking jackass thought it would be absolutely brilliant to bury in the gods damned sand.

“When did you bring that box of shit over?”

“What box of what shit?”

“You know. That box. …Of shit.”

“Not, like, literal shit, right?”

You would think she’d remember. But it was long ago. And there have been many, many, many blacked out tequila nights since then and now. Plus, a box of actual shit wouldn’t even break the top ten of weirdest thing she’d given to Tyler.

“Christ. I hope not. Knowing Jakob, though… ”

The Dark Angel sneered. An actual growl crawled around her clenched teeth. Blackness filled her eyes like rushing water poured into an empty pitcher. It was but a fleeting moment. Her jaw loosened. The black faded.

“The box of shit I stole from The Fallen.”

“Yeah. I never looked at it. Just sorta shoved it in there.”

“Sounds like you.”

“Cute.”

“I’m sure that’s what they say about it. You remember the code?”

Tyler pushed himself up, carefully applying pressure to his left foot. The toe did not seem to be broken. He stepped up on the door and then bent down toward the keypad and began punching numbers.

Eight. Six. Seven. Five. Three. Zero. Nine.

“You might be the dumbest man alive.”

“How else was I going to remember it? I didn’t even remember the fucking door was here. Plus, no one would be stupid enough to actually guess that code. I hope… ”

A terrible grinding noise rose up from the door. The lock release sounded like a steel beam crashing. More terrible grinding and the sound of strained hydraulics. The door popped open and rose an inch. Two. The metal began to screech and groan. There was a small explosion. Smoke began to rise out of the upper corner. All noises ceased instantly. The door froze where it was.

“Well… fuck.”

Tyler and Katterina stared down at the door for a full minute, pondering.

“You have any C4 left?”

“Used it all last time we were in Tunisia.”

“All of it? Ty, that was a Christmas present!”

“And a great one, too. Saved both our lives.”

“We could try lifting it.”

“Just the two of us? No way. It’s a three man job, at least. Thing is fucking thick.”

“That’s what she said.”

More staring. More pondering. A couple of minutes passed in silence. We should not have to tell you the significance of an event when these two can manage a few whole minutes without talking about cocks or vampires. The pair stared at the door in this rare silence until the silence was broken by some unexpected bickering. Tyler looked at Katterina. Katterina looked at Tyler. Both of them looked up to the beach house. Angelica Brooks was stepping through the back door, half turned to argue with the diminutive man behind her. She had been a guest at the ocean front property on many occasions, and thus, did not need to keep as close an eye on where she was walking. She knew the layout well. Then again, Tyler lived there and he’d stumbled over a gods damned underground bunker. The man following Angelica was not so familiar with the residence. The frock of mud brown hair on his head bounced as he vigorously argued with the red-haired, part-time model. The two of them argued all the way down the beach. Angelica was the first to relent, tearing a furious gaze from her follower over to the owner of this wonderful little residence.

“Ty, will you please tell--”

“Shut your gods damned cock holsters. Both of you. Mills, what in the name of the finest fuck you’ll never have are you doing here?”

Matt Mills stood to his full height and straightened the collar on his maroon PRIME polo.

“I was just coming to--”

“He followed me from--”

Tyler held up a single hand to silence both of them.

“B. Seriously. With the shutting up. Know what, Mills? I actually don’t give a fried rat’s ass.”

Katterina cleared her throat. Mills seemed to notice her for the first time.

“So about that three man job… ”

“Katt, you’re a gods damned genius. Mills, you’re close enough to a man. We need someone to help us… You aren’t listening to me at all, are you? Fucking twat.”

Mills had not stopped noticing Katterina enough to realize Tyler was speaking to him. His mouth curved agape in a rather awkward sort of creeptastic smile. Eyes laser honed on Katterina. Tyler followed the unending stare in the not-at-all-surprising direction of Ms. Wylde’s bosom. She wore what he guessed was a swimsuit top. There was a neckpiece, like a dog collar, that wrapped around her neck. Two straps descended down her shoulders and around the side of her breasts. The top connected across the front at an incredibly low point on her cleavage, leaving very little to the imagination. The thing was little more than a black strap to cover her nipples. Tyler could not quite fathom the sort of gravity-defying physics applied to actually keep her tits from popping out of the top. Nor the same sort of nonsensical science that kept Matt’s eyes from popping out of his head. He wondered, however, at the lack of rebuke from his dearest friend. While she certainly took pride in her rather fine body, the woman also enjoyed scaring the shit out of little creeper fucks like Mills. Tyler was about to pose a question on the subject when he noticed that Katterina, too, seemed distracted. She had the most pleased expression on her face, though one that suggested her thoughts were quite elsewhere. He followed the appreciative gaze of his bestie to the most obvious of locations… Angelica’s rack. There was nothing especially astounding about her bikini top. Just the basic tie around the back sort of job. Blue with some yellow flowers on it. Tyler had a suspicion, though, that from the angle Katterina was standing, with her height advantage over Angelica, there was a distinct possibility Katt could see the entire left breast. Nip and all. Which he was going to point out to his flame topped friend… until he realized that she, too, was full on mesmerized by an outstanding chest. His.

“Ooo-K. Can we all stop staring at each other’s tits now and open this fucking door?”

All three of them perked up when they realized they’d been caught. Tyler nodded toward the steel door sticking out of the sand. Then he turned to look at all the three of them, one at a time. Mills was too embarrassed to look at him. Angelica was blushing, too, but she always had trouble tearing her eyes away. Katterina just shrugged, more than pleased with the her peep show.

“You ruin all the fun.”

“Just yours, kid.”

He stepped up to the side of the door and slid his hands in under the opening. Katterina did the same. Brooks hesitated for a moment and then stepped over to help. The three of them turned to stare at Mills, who remained defiant.

“Not until I get my interview.”

“I swear to Crom I will split your fucking gourd.”

Mills crossed his arm over his chest and remained in place.

“Look at Millsy Baby grow a sack. You know, this whole defiant thing is kinda cute.”

The interviewer grinned and winked at Katterina.

“She’s still a fucking dyke, dipshit. Jesus. Look, help us open the door and I’ll answer your stupid questions.”

Mills stood for a second, pondering. It was the best chance he had. He walked over and shoved his way in between Katterina and Angelica. Tyler waited impatiently for the man to get ready.

“On three. One… two… three!”

The door was massive. The broken gears and gadgets inside did not make things easier. Lifting the door was a struggle. An exhausting fifteen minute struggle of strength that at least half of them didn’t realize they possessed. Finally, the door was open. A musty odor wafted up from beneath. Mills collapsed on the edge of the descending staircase. Tyler stepped over him and proceeded down into the bunker. Katt followed. Angelica looked down into the darkness and hesitated. She looked over at Mills, took a moment to consider her options, and then marched down the stairs. There was more light than she had originally thought. It was mid-afternoon on a nice California beach, after all. The bunker itself was powered by a small generator that she could hear churning, but did not see. While the door mechanism had broken, the rest of the bunker seemed to be intact. Lights. Air filtration and cooling system. Even a symphony playing quietly in the background. Though the bunker looked quite expansive, neither Katterina nor Tyler had ventured very far beyond the bottom step. The two seemed preoccupied with a large box sitting on the floor.

“What’s in the box?”

“Not a fucking clue.”

Katterina picked a couple of large, leather-bound books from the box. She brushed some dust off them and gave each book a cursory glance before handing them back to Brooks. Angelica took them without thinking.

“Can I have my interview now?!”

Mills had at least picked himself up from the pathetic prone state of exhaustion to a more respectable sitting position at the top of the steps. While he certainly wasn’t going to walk down there, he had no problems shouting down.

“Hey, Mills. You ever consider there’s a reason you’re single?”

“C’mon, man. I helped you. Now�"“

“And you can continue helping by shutting the fuck up. We’re in some weird shit down here.”

The books were heavier than Angelica had expected. The leather was old and worn. One of the books had a dragon of some sort on the cover. Another had the etched outline of a large eye. She observed the curve along the top of the eye. The perfect circle that formed the iris. The hair on the back of her neck began to stand. She had the distinct feeling that someone was staring at her. Angelica began to trace the eye with her finger. It was cold to the touch, but she felt a blaze of heat spread through the veins in her palm. That seemed… odd. That lingering feeling became stronger. She looked up, but Mills was staring off at the ocean. Katt and Tyler were digging through the box. There was no one else. Yet she could not shake the feeling that… it was the book that was staring at her.

“I wouldn’t stare too long if I were you, sugar bear.”

“Huh? Oh. I was just… um…”

“Those books could be dangerous, B. Avert thy fucking eyes.”

“Dangerous how?”

“Boil the blood in your heart and spawn little spiders in your veins how.”

“Oh…”

The two of them began digging more intently through the box. Angelica did not want to look at the books, but without something to occupy her mind, she had little hope of avoiding that.

“So, um… these books. Where did you, uh… you know, get them?”

“You remember that cocktastic fuckbag Jakob? Showed up just before I left the last time.”

Angelica shuddered.

“Katt sort of… borrowed these from some friends of his.”

“I can’t imagine he has many friends.”

“Not many living ones. No.”

Tyler pulled a large crystal from the bottom of the box. It was purple with three different sized spires that extended from the base. A dark mist danced inside the spires. He went up a handful of stairs to hold the crystal up to some sunlight. The mist dissipated where sunlight touched it. Mills looked down at the strange object and scoffed.

“Ooo. Neat. You found the Sorcerer’s Stone. Can we talk about PRIME now?”

“No. Shut up. The adults are busy.”

“You promised.”

Tyler lowered the crystal so he could stare directly at the would-be interviewer.

“I lied.”

Mills stood to his full height at the top of the stairs. He towered over the rest of them, looking down at… you know, from this angle he could almost see all of Angelica’s left… no. Not now. Matt Mills marched down the stairs toward Tyler Rayne. The Golden Boy watched him descend, amused at the sudden wellspring of confidence. Mills stood defiant on the step above and leveled an even, unwavering stare down on the PRIME favorite.

“Look, asshole, we had a deal. I helped you open the door to your busted ass vault. You’ve got all day to play Dungeons and Dragons, but right now… I want my fucking interview.”

Angelica could not stop herself from gasping. Katterina chuckled. The amusement faded from Tyler’s face. On the one hand, he was impressed. Mills was standing up for himself. He was standing up to someone. That deserved a bit of consideration. Tyler, however, wasn’t overly fond of people speaking to him in such a manner. Particularly trespassers on his own property.

“You’ll want to back up now.”

“No.”

Tyler placed a hand on Matt’s shoulder, fingers beginning to squeeze at the fabric of the polo. Before Tyler could get a firm grip, Mills swatted the hand away. With a surprising amount of force. Tyler’s foot slipped off the stair and cracked awkwardly into the one below. Though his toe was not broken, it was quite injured, and the sudden aggravation sent a jolt of pain racing up his leg. He lost his balance. As he fell, he reached out to steady himself with the wall, forgetting that he was still holding that crystal. He punched the wall instead of gripping it. Tyler was still able to use the wall for balance, but the impact of his hand slamming against it drove the crystal up through his closed fist. The edges of the spires sliced across his palm and a couple fingers. No deep wounds, but enough to draw blood.

“You son of a… ”

Tyler felt his heart stop. An intense pain as if someone had reached in and crushed it. He gasped for air. Tyler pushed himself to his feet and tried to climb up the next stair. Matt Mills immediately backed up out of the bunker. Tyler tried to follow, but each step caused another palpitation. Another debilitating squeeze on his heart. He collapsed just short of the top of the stairs. He could hear his heart pounding as if inside his brain. He could feel each thunderous beat, not in his chest, but in his… hand? Tyler forced his eyes open to look at the crystal. The mist swirled wildly, dissipating with every booming beat of his heart and reappearing in between.

Katterina and Angelica both raced up the stairs to help him. The Dark Angel was there in a flash, reaching down to help her friend. She could feel the heat rising from his skin before she touched him. Her fingers wrapped around his bicep and a horrid, monstrous sound screamed out from the crystal. No. Not from the crystal. From inside her head. From both at the same time? It was all around her. She fell back. Angelica tried to catch her, but she was no professional wrestler. Katterina fell onto Angelica and Angelica fell onto the stairs. The two collapsed in a heap. Angelica’s skin was crawling. She felt bugs. All over. She looked down and almost vomited as she watched her skin ripple. Watched the insects crawling beneath her skin. She screamed. Or Katt screamed. Or the crystal did…

Angelica could hear the insects skittering across her skull. Feel them walking across the back of her eyes. Katterina opened her mouth but no sound came out. She blinked. Stunned. The moment her mouth closed an ear-splitting shriek ripped through the bunker. Or she thought. She could feel blood trickling out of her ears…

There was no more sun. An impenetrable ceiling of impossible black clouds loomed above them now. It roiled as violently as the sea. Waves of clouds and ocean water crashing around them. Above them. Matt Mills stared at all of this in horror. Frozen in terror. Someone screamed again. A single clap of thunder erupted from above. The force of it blasted sand out in a perfect circle around them. All four were floored. Tyler could feel something beckoning him. Could almost hear the voice calling his name. He pushed himself up with what strength he had left. He stared into the churning black above. A single lightning bolt snapped down and struck him square in the chest. The purple crystal melted into his hand. A dark beam burst from his mouth. It was like a light, but… not. It seemed to absorb the light around it. To twist the very world around its core. A concentrated beam of emptiness. A black hole. More black beams shot from his eyes. Every pore in his body was emitting a soul-sucking black aura that twisted and warped the beach around it, quickly spreading to encompass everything around them…
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