Title: How I Wet Your Mother
Featuring: Tony Gamble
Date: 09-06-12
Location: Rev 150

“That's right, punk!”

Two kids are sitting in front of a television, game controllers in their hands.

“Lucky catch,” the red headed, freckle faced, kid on the left rolls his eyes as he speaks.

“Lucky catch...Dude, that's Megatron at his best right there. That was all skill, baby.” The kid on the right with a fauxhawk and a sly grin confidently replies.

“Catch the ball yourself and stop letting the game do it...We'll see how skilled you are.”

“Hey kids, what are you doing back here?”

Both kids look over their shoulders to find a man dressed in a purple pinstripe suit and his face painted up just like the Joker from The Dark Knight, where Heath Ledger embarrassed Jack Nicholson and solidified himself as the best Joker ever. Yes, I said EVER!

“Whooping his butt at Madden,” the kid has a cocky grin on his face when he answers. “He can't touch me.”

“That was the first drive of the game,” the ginger shakes his head, a disgusted look on his face.

“I remember when I used to play video games...” the Joker lifts his head and stares at the ceiling.

---

“Seventy six to zero!” a young kid pumps his fist in the air as he screams. “I rule at Tecmo Bowl!”

---

“What game was that, Pong?”

The two kids bump fists at the kid we're going to call Slick because I'm getting tired of coming up with ways to describe him's comment. Shout out to Pong turning 40 this week though!

“Funny,” the Joker replies with a fake grin. “I had a choice of two joysticks to play with and that one lost out most of the time, but I was still pretty good at it.”

The joke goes over their head a bit, but the Joker eases his way between the two kids anyway and tries to make himself at home.

“Speaking of joysticks,” the Joker takes the remote from the ginger and looks over at Slick.. “Have I ever told you the story of how I met your mother.”

“Umm...No.” Slick answers, a confused look on his face. “Isn't that a TV show?”

“Yeah, but they don't have stories as good as I do though.” Joker motions for Slick to unpause the game. “So I was walking through the Food Court when I noticed this red head in a tight pair of sweatpants, bending over to tie her shoes.”

“Freddy's mom is the red head.” Slick cuts our storyteller off.

“Who's telling the story here?”

“Sorry.”

“Where was I...oh yeah. So I'm walking through the park when I see--”

“I thought you were in the food court?” Freddy's turn to interrupt, and our storyteller is none too pleased. The scowl on his face is forced on there, the scar on his cheek making it difficult to actually look upset. “Sorry.”

It's dawning on you what's going on here, isn't it?

---

Looking as dapper and smooth as a man in a gray pinstriped suit can, his hair slicked back and as shiny as a freshly waxed black limousine, Tony Gamble leans back and admires the curves of the red headed woman bending over in front of him. The ever present grin on his face, further enhanced by his appreciation for the fine figured woman he is staring at.

“You should take a picture, it'll last longer.”

The Senator of Smilies turns to his left and finds a tawny haired woman in her late twenties shaking her head at him. She's also smiling by the way.

“You caught me,” Tony replied, his hands lifted in submission. “Please don't rat me out.”

“Hey, for all you know she's doing it on purpose to get attention.”

“You think so,” Tony turns back and takes another good look.

“How long does it take you to tie one shoe?” she throws the question out there, softball style.

“I wear strap-ons.” Gamble knocks it out of the pa-- Wait, what? “Uh, slip-ons.”

The sudden blush of his cheeks brings a smile to her face, and you have to wonder if Tony actually mentioned that in the story he is telling the boys.

“Slip of the tongue?” she asks.

“Like a fat kid on ice trying to get to cake,” Tony replies, tugging at the collar of his shirt.

That comment causes the woman to chuckle slightly.

“I'll be here all week.”

“You do private parties?” she raises an eyebrow.

“Depends on the crowd.”

“Oh trust me,” she grins sheepishly. “The crowd will love you.”

“Just tell me when and where,” he straightens out his tie. “I'll be there with bells on.”

“Here's my number,” she pulls a pen out of her purse and writes it down on his palm. “Call me later tonight and I'll give you the when and where.”

“I'll do that.” Tony glances at the fresh ink on his palm.

“HEY TONY!”

---

“Yeah!” both Tony the Joker and the kid I told you we were going to call Slick answered in unison. They both turn to look at each other.

Freddy's a little wierded out as well. “What the fu...” He said fudge, I swear.

“Have you seen the Joker?” the woman calls out from another room.

“He's in my room.” Tony, who we were calling Slick, responds.

“Your name's Tony?” Tony, who we were calling Joker because he is dressed up like the Joker, questions the kid.

“Yeah,” the young Tony nods.

“Me too.” the Grin nods his head. “Trust me, it's an awesome name. I remember this one time, I was in Vegas with my buddy Alan and we were talking about calling ourselves the Wolfpa--”

“What the hell are you doing?” the woman stands in the open doorway, her hands on her hips.

“I thought I was going to play some Madden, but then I started to tell your kid here about how we met the other day and...”

“Look, I'm not paying you to be up here playing video games,” she cuts him off. “There's a bunch of kids in the backyard wondering why Batman doesn't have a Joker to defeat.”

“Yeah, about that,” Tony stands up and straightens out his suit. “The Dark Knight Rises just came out, why didn't you ask me to be Bane?”

“You're a little too skinny to be Bane, don't you think?”

She has a point.

“Wow,” Tony places his left hand on his heart. “That...that hurt.”

“I'm about this close to firing you right now.” the woman uses her thumb and forefinger to demonstrate the small amount of patience she has. “I still have your bosses phone number on my phone. I doubt he'll be happy to hear what a crappy job you're doing.”

“Okay,” Tony throws his hands up in defeat. “I'll get back to the party.”

“Thank you.”

“Mom,” Tony the kid stands up. “Were you flirting with him at the mall? He said you gave him your number.”

“What?” she blocks Tony's exit.

* Oompa Loompa Doopa Dee Doo *

“Hold up, I need to get this,” Tony pulls out his cellphone as the woman stares at him, clearly not amused. “Tony's phone, how can I help you.”

He nods his head

“Hell yeah, I want to go back to PRIME!” he says rather loudly. “I don't care what match you can put me in, just book me in something. I'm so tired of these whiny ass kids asking me to say 'Why so serious?' I mean seriously, it's been how long?”

Another pause as he listens to the person on the other end of the line.

“Yeah, I'll be there tomorrow. Laters big dawg!” Tony ends the call, slips the phone back into his pocket and looks over at young Tony. “Hey kid, tell your dad I know all about the Smurfette tattoo.”

“You son of a...”

And we out!
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